This Is A Story Of A Mother’s Love

We become a mother finding that one truth of our existence. 

There is no greater love than the ones that find their way into our arms, the ones that depend on you and the ones who gift you with the opportunity to grow alongside them. To grow in ways you would never have thought possible. We announce we are going to be a better mom than our own mother quite often. At least I did and I am certain my own children have as well. 

I was planning on writing this blog about how hard it is to let go of our adult children and today I feel it is meant for only one of my children — my son, my youngest. The original blog I will save for another day.

I understand being the oldest has unique challenges of undesired hierarchy, being a middle child carries a flavour of being forgotten and the youngest can be seen as the spoiled one.

This week I realized the burden of what the youngest child carries. Through a simple and honest conversation, my heart feels like it felt the day he was born — the moment he was placed in my arms and I saw his eyes that held so much truth.

A LOVE came through that I have never felt in my entire life.

Was it because for the most part of my pregnancy I was ashamed that I would not be able to love him after loving my babygirl, my daughter. I love both of my children with all of my heart but that day my heart grew in ways I did not expect. Not in the way of loving one more but in the way that our hearts can carry an immeasurable love that is to the likes of the true meaning of infinity — more.

Life with my son has had many of us learning so much of our own truths. He has been a mirror for me many times and I can’t imagine a life without him being the star of the show. 

_____✨

“My Scorpio Son: The Teacher My Soul Chose”

There are some souls we choose before we ever touch the earth.

Some who walk with us long before they are born.

Some who arrive not to be raised, but to raise us.

My son is one of those souls.

Life, and soul contracts, have a way of choosing our parents, and vice versa. They have their own intentions,

As a budding astrologer at the beginning of motherhood I was the mother who planned her children’s astrological signs only to quickly learn it was never up to me. The universe brings you the souls predestined for our highest good regardless of our request.

I didn’t plan for a Scorpio child, but “OH boy I got one”.

I planned for a Sagittarius (happy go lucky jupiter) — a little fire walker to match my Leo heart. But the soul world had other ideas. He came early, under the most intense skies of Scorpio.

He came into this world like a little Buddha — quiet, observant, wise one. Eyes full of knowing, far older than his tiny body. His eyes looked straight through you, not with judgement, but with this calm knowing that made adults uncomfortable and made me feel seen for the first time in my life.

He didn’t just feel wise, he was wise.

My own little Dalai Lama wrapped in a baby blanket — intense, powerful, unfiltered, and ancient. In that moment I surrendered to what I already felt deep in my bones:

This child was not coming to be easy, he was coming to be transformative. He was coming to be my teacher, he was coming to change me.

⸻

A baby made of breath and courage.

The beginning wasn’t easy.

Robert’s first two winters had him spending time in a hospital bubble tent so he could breathe. Nurses constantly checking on him and watching over, as if he were their own. His father and I sat beside him praying, trying not to fall apart, as he cried to get out.

His first Valentines card didn’t come from a classmate or a family member — it came from the nurses who fell madly in love with him.

And his first steps? Not in our living room, not in a park, and not one that was missed by a parent still at work.

His first steps would be recorded in his baby book as if it were a history book. His first steps were witnessed by an applauding hospital ward, filled with laughter.

He took his first steps at fifteen months, running down the hospital hallway, chasing the laundry trolley on wheels, laughing like he’d just discovered freedom with his whole body.

Those were his first steps.

A wonderful beginning.

Strength wrapped in softness rising through struggle.

Resilience disguised as innocence.

And this was a moment that rewired me forever.

_____

The truth beneath the truth.

He told me recently that something I didn’t do hurt him.

A moment I missed, a moment I allowed distraction to rob me or was it to gift me?

Something I honestly didn’t think would matter.

But it mattered more than I knew.

In all his 32 years I now carry two things I cannot undo and in which I will forever carry in my heart. 

That’s the thing about being a Mom, we may not show it every day but we carry those broken moments — forever in our heart. Our children’s hurt shares a wound that we sometimes don’t realize exists or we often do not see.

This was a wound he has carried quietly for years.

A wound I always sensed but never fully saw because Scorpio children hide their pain like buried treasures.

When he told me, it broke something open inside me.

Not guilt.

Not shame.

Something deeper:

The realization that he still needed his mother to SEE him — not the man in front of me — the boy inside of him.

The boy who fought to breathe in a bubble tent.

The boy who took his first steps chasing a laundry cart.

The boy who absorbed everything and spoke none of it.

The boy who loved with a heart too big for his once little body.

_____

He has always been my world

My Son, with all that tenderness, with all that early fragility, grew into a man who carries his heart like armour. He keeps his own world hidden deep inside, held within in a shield.

A Scorpio stellium will do that….

Sun, Venus, Mercury, Jupiter, and Pluto all in Scorpio. His ESSENCE, his LOVE, his MIND, his EXPANSIVENESS, and his UNDERWORLD. Mars and his North Node sitting right on the edge, ready to ignite. All of it being in his 6th house — the house of what we carry daily, what we live with, what we serve, what we cannot escape.

He came here to feel deeply, he came here to transform me, and he came here to teach me.

As his Mom, I always sensed the quiet heartaches he carried — the ones he tucked so far inside I could only feel the outline of them. What he revealed, broke something in me… gently, honestly, right where I needed breaking.

Not because I failed him, but because I finally saw a piece of him that he had protected all these years. The place he kept tucked away, the place he protected even from me.

Scorpio hides everything — sometimes in ways that carry deep wounds. This past week, and in that moment he showed me his. I saw the boy inside the man, the tenderness inside the armour, and the innocence inside the intensity. He shared a wisdom that even the strongest souls long to be seen. Even the fiercest hearts can feel invisible.

And I remembered again what I have always known:

He is my greatest gift, and my greatest teacher.

_____

He has always been my greatest gift.

Robert was not the easiest gift, or the lightest gift. He is not the gift that sits quietly in the corner and waits. He is the gift that awakens you. His love is deep, his loyalty is fierce. His intuition is something ancient.

The way he feels life, is something most people never understand. He is protective, honest, intense, and yet, achingly sensitive beneath  it all — though he will never admit that part out loud.

He has taught me more about love, truth, resilience, and mothering than any book or teacher ever could. He has shown me that love is not just warmth, it is shadow-work, it is repair, it is owning your humanity, and it is standing in the fire with someone you love.

I am a Leo Sun and I understand fire. I lead with heart, warmth, and visibility, and I understand being seen. But I am also a Scorpio Ascendent and through him, I learned what Scorpio really means — the depth, the truth, the shadows, the unspoken, the places, where love isn’t loud but fierce.

My son came in carrying the shadows, the undercurrents, the truths nobody says out loud. He came here to take me deeper, to make me uncomfortable. To crack my heart open again and again until it became big enough to hold all of him — and all of me.

He may not know this but he has been my greatest teacher since the day he arrived. Robert brought me into parts of myself I never would have touched without him.

And I would choose him all over again.

Every time.

Every lifetime.

Every universe.

_____

The way he loves me is unlike anything I’ve ever known.

My son stands close to 6’6, and is my wall of strength, presence, and unspoken emotion. When he wraps me in his arms, and gives me those Momma hugs…..

I feel like I am being held by the entire world. Every part of me melts, and every part of me exhales.

In his arms, I feel a love I have never felt in my life, a love that doesn’t ask me to pretend, a love that doesn’t disappear, and a love that doesn’t fracture when life does. The only place I have ever felt fully held, fully safe, fully known, is in the arms of my Little Big Man.

His hugs feel like home, like lifetimes, like the universe putting its arms around me and saying….

“You’re okay now.”

_____

The world deserves to know this man.

I share these words not because of a conversation that revealed a hidden truth or because of a missed opportunity. But because truth deserves to be spoken when the heart rises, and this past week, my heart rose for him.

My Scorpio son, my mirror, my catalyst, my teacher, and my gift. I wouldn’t change a moment of our journey — not even the hard ones, because they are part of our sacred contract.

I am endlessly proud of him, endlessly grateful for him, and endlessly changed by him.

_____

What I want him to know

If he ever reads these words — now or years from now — I hope he knows this….

You were meant to be you — in every way.

This exact energy.

This exact medicine.

You came to awaken me.

To deepen me.

To soften me.

To strengthen me.

To show me the parts of myself I had hidden.

To teach me about love beyond conditions, beyond fear, beyond ego.

I love you more fiercely, more fully, and more honestly because of that.

You are not just my son, you are one of the most important souls my heart will ever hold.

You are my world.

You always have been.

You always will be.

You are the soul I surrendered to the moment you arrived.

You are the child who taught me how to mother in the dark, in the fire, in the quiet, and in the truth.

But the truth — the real truth — is that you have been the safest place I’ve ever known.

Your hugs are where my body remembers love.

Your presence is where my heart remembers peace.

Your soul is where mine feels understood.

Son — you are my little Buddha.

My Dalai Lama.

My Scorpio storm.

My Little Big Man.

My greatest teacher.

My deepest love.

And I love you with a love that will out live the both of us.

_____

With Love and Grace

Patrice aka Lu aka Mum

oX

_____

Founder of Odyssey Lighthouse