When It’s Time To Let The Soul Speak

I have been in battle with my human and my soul for the better part of my life.

I came into this world through the womb of my mother, who was not equipped to show me how to be loved.

Over the years, I tattooed a sword on my left arm, the word freedom across my upper back, and a phrase that reads, “It is in changing that things find purpose.”

This list goes on.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was creating a map of my soul’s journey on the very canvas God gave me.

All my life I was searching. One minute I was in one lane and the next I was jumping into another.

Reinventing myself.

Searching.

Reaching.

Trying to find the place where I finally fit.

All the while, I was living in a vessel that was still trying to control the voyage.

The last eight years have been the hardest in that vessel because I could not understand the navigation system.

I absorbed the outside world to the point that my inner world got lost.

My soul was screaming for me to let go of the wheel.

2026 is the year the precipice says, “It’s this or death.”

When I say death, I do not mean the ending of my life. I mean a reckoning I do not want to come back from. The death of the parts of me that spent decades living inside limitation, fear, doubt, and the belief that I cannot do what I know I came here to do.

So here I am.

Choosing living over dying.

Choosing the belief that my life will be bigger than the stories I inherited.

Choosing to believe that perhaps my beliefs were never meant to have limits.

I have journaled since I was a teenager, and my soul truths are woven throughout those pages.

I am 62 next month, no longer the 14 year old that put the armour on.

This is a lot of personal growth, personal tragedy, awareness, remembering, and becoming.

I have reinvented myself over and over again.

In doing so, I have lost friendships, family relationships, and more often than not, I lost myself.

Yesterday’s journal entry told me something different.

It told me it is time.

Time for my soul to be heard in its truth.

Time to show up in my fullest version and time to share my pages.

So again, here I am, only this time in Substack.

A place where people choose what they want to read instead of rolling their eyes.

A place where I can stop shrinking my words before they ever leave my heart.

A place where I can write the things my soul has been asking me to share for decades.

It is time to step away from the edge.

My first entry and my rebirthing transformation lays before you.

It's Thursday and I have made it to my dining table. The one I bought because it reminds me of church. The one with the side bench.

It's a pew. My pew, in my church, my home.

As I sit back I see how much I have brought God into my every day.

As a little girl I loved going to church.

I brought God into my heart in as many ways as I found opportunity to.

It was like my fairy tale heart was part of God's truth. I had woven him into everything that I had created.

My truth is God's truth and God's truth is mine.

But inside of this story is something even bigger. I hold fear. It is a fear of being humiliated, being made fun of, and being misunderstood.

I have spoken of God in all areas of my life and I know this causes great discomfort for so many.

And so I hide.

My relationship with God has nothing to do with preaching. It is not about the rights and wrongs of the church. It is simply this, love in my heart is the love I receive from God.

As I write these words, they carry an intensity that reaches far beyond emotion.

Is this what self love feels like?

Everyone who knows me knows a version of me that, although real, isn't sharing her whole truth.

Not the one that speaks this truth out loud.

God is my only true alliance in life.

He has carried me through every heartbreak, every loss, every reinvention, every moment of doubt, and every moment of grace.

He has been there from the beginning and has had me every moment of every day.

Now I have him.

It's time.

I am no longer willing to keep my relationship with God hidden behind the words of Spirit, Source, the Universe, or even Creator.

These words have served me in serving others, but they are not my truth.

I have been asking God to accept how I have been dimming him, but the truth is, it's me dimming myself.

This is my real.

And I wonder if it's time to let others know how freeing it is to be real.

My soul came in for this. And it just so happens that God came in with my soul.

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With Love and Grace

Patrice

oX

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Founder of Odyssey Lighthouse