What Is My Spiritual Label?

Last week during a Zoom meeting I was asked a question that invited me in to my heart to listen to what my soul had to say. The question was like an uncomfortable pill I was being asked to swallow and I knew I couldn’t swallow it. In sharing this I want to draw point at saying this question has been asked of me for decades.

“How do you identify yourself in your spirituality and spiritual community?” This is the identity I have been rumenating with for a long while, in a lot of spiritual circles and rooms. This may be the reason why I struggle in spiritual communities that invite me in to take root.

Am I a Light Worker? Yes some days I am.

Am I a Mystic or Woooo woooo girl? Yes some days I am.

Am I Love and Light? Yes to the very core — but my way.

What I have so often come to witness — is that it invites others to believe that in order to be spiritual they must portray all love and light. 

This is where the struggle comes in for me. I am also certain this is where the struggle comes in for many just arriving on this path.

In 2017 and 2018 I stepped into the Gabby Bernstein container of Spirit Junkies. I studied with her, I was coached by her and I was even called out by her. I celebrated my elevation in becoming closer to Spirit. I was preparing myself to share my own spiritual spaces. What I found was a broken heart, as I watched many wear badges of honour, labels of a Spiritual Light worker. I sat in these rooms, I experienced these friendships but I also witnessed the comparison and competitive nature in these spaces. 

First and foremost I will share that Gabby is truly Love and Light. She exudes nothing but spiritual love and wisdom. She changed my life in ways that I will never be able to share as it involves more than just my story. 

I chose to step out of Gabby’s circle when I was witnessing people believing its a label and not a way of life. It was a decision people were making by talking the walk, and not walking the talk. Yes there were many who knew their hearts were aligned with Spirit but there were many who could be seen as the Mean Girls in school. In this case it was Mean Girls in Gabby’s Spirit Junkie Trainings.

It was in these circles I had my heart broken. It was in these circles I started to step away from the Love & Light spiritually based containers. I was blessed to be accepted in the inner circle and yet many were left on the outside. I watched the quieter individuals who were just starting on their spiritual path only to be left in humiliation. They were hoping to be invited in with the cool girls and instead shrank only to dim their light. These same light beings were there to connect with Spirt but instead were thinking they didn’t fit in to the Love and Light they were hoping to find.

I believe this is where the question that was asked of me many times, soon became an unanswered heaviness. In fact the question often leaves me questioning what I truly align with.

I am yes a spiritual being, but for me, it’s more about exploring who and what I am. Spirituality hints at a certain orientation and interest, and yet it’s really just an exploration of what’s here in your life that you came in to transform. It’s simpler than the label spirituality hints at, and it also goes far beyond the label. As a 3/6 line in Human Design I am here to experience all the messy in this life and in this movie I am starring in. I have studied under different spiritual leaders and paths. All I know for certain — I am my own spiritual guru at the end of the day. I do not wish to pick one in particular door because I am all of those doors.

We all are spiritual teachers and students. We all are meant to discover who we are and what is our soul’s purpose. If we remain open to the awareness of what is being shown to us, then we will discover our truth. Instead of trying to fit in to someone’s definition try to see how someone is showing up to teach us something Spirit is asking us to see.

There have been times when I show up in my Love and Light centered beingness only to repell others. I have had to force myself to dim my own light in certain circumstances and conversations. At times when I show up sharing the shadow side or what others perceive as not love or light I am questioned or judged. I may be seen as not being spiritual as some have no desire to understand the shadow side of spirituality. So here is my truth and one I trust will not be judged or misunderstood. 

As a Soul and Self Discovery Mentor I am here to shine my light but in a way that shows the truth of my own human experience. I will never portray or force myself to be all love and light. When we do this we represent an untouchable way of being. Many will be afraid to come into our circle or our energy in fear of dropping the mask we so often choose to wear. A mask that life has conditioned us to wear so that we can be in relationship with the outer world. As spiritual beings we have been born into a body with a soul that came in to do some hard work, and spiritual growth. If we squeeze ourselves into the container of love and light where is it that we will be able to experience this inner growth?

Over the years another question I have been hit with is “If you went to school for psychotherapy why is it you have spiritual and emotional setbacks?” “Why do you hurt or why are you messy?” 

My answer is this, “The work is never done!” When the work is done then so too is our life. We are here on a soul’s journey, our own Hero’s Journey. We came in to this life to learn and to grow. We came into this life so we can become more like the light of the Creator/God. If you remember — the bible has taught us we were created in the likeness of the Creator. Yes this is true. Our purpose is to become more like him, and that entails doing our inner work. If we succeed, then one day we will have the same light we are being shown as we navigate this road called life. 

It is a light that we should never dim so that others will accept us. I personally have dimmed my light for a lot of my life. First in the house I grew up in and then in the family I tried so hard to hold onto. Even in present day and in certain circumstances, I have found it feels safer to dim even when it is causing me pain. I have chosen to dim my light more times than I care to admit. These are the places where I walk away knowing a part of my childhood has gone on repeat. These are the moments we feel unseen and one of the ways you we were conditioned to survive.

My spiritual label is one that not only represents my light but also my shadow self. I will not portray Love and Light when I know full well I need my shadow work in order to grow. I will not invite others to believe spirituality is all about the light when really we need both the light and the dark. 

Those memories of my little girl every time I had to hide my light eventually became unbearable. These instances are usually found when we trigger someone or we are being triggered. When asked what is being mirrored to us? I immediately know it stems back to the light in my world I once was forced to dim — this would be my childhood pain. This is what I am presently working on with the next soul correction, the next piece I want to invite in to heal. 

Believe me when I say our lives are not a decision to be only love and light. Our lives are a decision to show up in the light knowing the dark has its rightful place inside of us. Never force it to stay hidden because it is just as uncomfortable to hide the dark as it is to hide the light. 

An evolved being who has decided to take the short cut by only sharing the one side of the light, the one face — will one day be met with the dark. These smackdowns show up only when you are ignoring the truth of your soul’s purpose — which is to grow and to evolve. These smackdowns can sometimes be seen as ‘why is life giving me these hardships and why does it happen when I am not able?’ We are given these hardships because something great is waiting for us but only when we show up for the hard work.

I love my spiritual containers and I love my spiritual connections. When I am invited in, I will do my best to show up. If my work is presently in a more intimate connection with my own soul’s understanding with the creator, then you will find me on my deck or having a long walk in conversation with Spirit, you will find me on the beach. 

So this may be why I avoid putting a label on my spiritual connection, my spiritual identity. 

I can’t say I am a Love and Light girl because I also like to dance with my shadow. I never want to confuse others when they are looking for the light or wanting to become more of a spiritual being or spiritual light. I want to shine both my light and my shadow when it shows up.

Rumi says, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” 

This is the label that feels right to me, this is the simplest way to identify my path.

I am a light being here to discover my soul’s purpose and living it. I am here to dance with my shadow and I am here to shine my light by learning not to dim it. 

When I do dim my light so that I can feel safe, it is then that I am hurting the most. It is then that my growth is being delayed.

As the Kabbalists say “ There is only me and the Light of the Creator” so therefore I am learning to be more like the light and I am choosing to work on not dimming my light.

Never choose to follow a spiritual path unless you feel safe to allow the darkness in to walk with you. 

TRUST in your soul work not always the light work. The light comes in naturally not by receiving a sparkly label.

With love and breath,

Patrice aka LuLu

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Founder of Odyssey Lighthouse