The Day I Chose Me: A Soul Contract Fulfilled

There comes a moment in every seeker’s journey — after lifetimes of soul work, decades of healing, and countless transformations — that the deepest truth rises to the surface. 

For me it was this past week.

I’ve spent my whole life in service to healing. Not just as a guide, teacher, and practitioner — but long before that.

As a child, I stood between my alcoholic father and the rest of my family. I believed it was my job to protect him and to protect everyone else. When he passed, I was 14 — and that day, I put an invisible armour on. I was the emotional holder of everything and the fixer. 

In truth that armour never came off.

When my Aunt Joan shared this with me years later I felt recognised for the first time. It didn’t change anything but it gave me my truth or at least the truth, I had been questioning my entire life. I am always that armoured girl who jumped into the fire, the one who stood between two mountains in case they collided. I ignored all of my own cries except for when silence fell upon me.

I carried that protector role into every part of my life — my marriage, my parenting, and along my spiritual path. I’ve spent a lifetime transforming pain into light. I’ve walked through past lives, retrieved the lost fragments of my soul, moved through karmic cords, and held sacred space for others with every fiber of my being. 

Many have asked me, “Why do you keep doing this work?” 

Because I always felt there was one piece missing. One sacred thread I couldn’t quite find. 

For decades, I poured myself into soul work whether it was in past lives, soul contracts, and ancestral lines — all to let the lineage of my ancestors heal. I knew this work, I came in for this work and so I went all in with this work. From the start of my journey I set out to heal the ancestral wounds for my parents and especially for my children. 

I have transformed nearly every relationship I’ve ever had through the light of spiritual devotion, all while carrying a silent ache, the missing piece. That one thing I still hadn’t found.

Unconditional Love.

I thought I was searching for it in others — partners, friends, and yes my family. But the truth is, I’ve been searching for my own unconditional love. The love I’ve never fully given to myself.

So I began the search within myself and after the endless layers peeled back, lifetimes remembered, traumas healed, and wounds excavated — my deepest soul lesson finally revealed itself.

It came not in ceremony like many other lessons, but on my deck, knees buckled, crying to the Creator with my heart cracked wide open.

It wasn’t loud. It didn’t come dressed in glory. It came wrapped in heartbreak, delivered by someone I love more than words — my son, a great love, my forever hero. And in that raw moment, I saw the full pattern. My son was just a catalyst, not a villian but a gift that cracked me open. It wasn’t about blame. It was about revelation. Because the pain I felt wasn’t new. It was ancient. It was the same wound repeating itself but always with a different mask. 

I have spent my entire life choosing others over myself. Sacrificing my needs, silencing my voice, giving my love freely, even when I was hurting. I was trying to save everyone, hoping that if I loved enough, maybe someone would finally choose me, and someone would love that little girl with all the armour.

But the truth is — I never fully chose myself.

Not completely, not without guilt or fear, not without looking over my shoulder to make sure everyone else was okay first. 

I moved across the country to escape it, but old wounds don’t work like that. Pain is a teacher, a mirror, and it followed me because my soul needed me to see what I hadn’t been willing to face.

Now after a lifetime of giving everything — I am choosing me.

Not in ego or defiance but in love, and in clarity.

In completion of a soul contract 60 years in the making.

Last week, on my deck, I hit a breaking point. Or maybe a breakthrough point. 

In the tears, In the heartbreak and in the silence that followed. I heard it, I felt it — I felt the call to come home to me.

The little girl inside me has waited a lifetime to feel protected, fully seen and fully loved — not for what she gives, but for who she is. 

This has all been part of my soul contract. The core wound I incarnated to heal.

I’ve been writing a book in this exact energy — mapping the healing, tracking the patterns, and weaving light into every dark corner of my story. And now I know the final chapter begins here. My book is about healing, self-discovery, unconditional love, and the alchemy of choosing myself. And now, I realise, this is the turning point. This is the chapter where the heroine stops surviving and starts living.

This season, my season is the time of my Saturn return in Pisces, with my Saturnian Moon pressed up against him just like the day I was born. Having Venus dancing alongside them is no wonder that with a a heart that has loved too deeply, too often without receiving it back — would come to crumble. 

 And now, I stand at the end of my Saturn return, amplifying every ache and every truth around relationships, nurturing, and boundaries. 

Last week as the truth finally broke through I discovered my tikkun (my soul correction, the part of me that wanted mending). I was being set free by understanding the truth of what my soul came here to heal.

While I am scared — I am also clear.

I’m not here to be a martyr.

I’m not here to save others at the cost of myself.

I’m here to embody the unconditional love I’ve been seeking — to model it, for me, and for my purpose.

This is the book I have been working on and yearning so much to finish. When I choose me — that’s when the real magic begins. That’s when I fulfill the contract I came into this world to complete. That’s when I stop surviving and start living.

To the little girl who put herself last.

To the woman who has always held it all.

To the soul who has done the work.

If you’ve ever lost yourself in the service of others.

If you’ve ever wondered why the love you give doesn’t always return to you.

If you feel like the pain just won’t end, no matter how far you run.

Maybe this is your moment, too.

To choose you.

To remember the truth of who you are.

To love yourself so completely that it transforms everything else.

This isn’t weakness. This is a power of 60 years of lived experience, lifetimes of soul evolution, and an unbreakable will to finally come home to ourself. .

This is the sacred beginning.

With love and breath,

Patrice aka LuLu

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Founder of Odyssey Lighthouse